I know, I know, yet another long winded Bio from some self absorbed crossdresser. Relax, I don't expect everyone to read this. It's here just in case you are one of those people like myself who needs a bit of reassurance that there are actually others out there who feel the same way.
There are lots of pictures on this website if that's what you're here to see so you can go ahead and close this window and we'll just say you read it. <wink>
"But who thoust be this lady of mystery who doth bendth thy rules of gender and confusith thoust senses" you say ?
Well then, by all means, read on ....
I was born in June of 59. That makes me a Cancer for those that care. Cars had big stylish tailfins and girls wore hoop skirts and sadly, music lost 3 very influential rock n' rollers. Ironically, my first car was almost from that era, I have worn hoop skirts and I love to play my bass, as in the guitar not the fish.
I'm 5' 9" when I get out of bed in the morning and medium weight. I'm thankful that I'm relatively slight in build and light on the body hair. It's ironic, I remember as a teenager waiting for my first chest hairs to grow in, now I shave them off all the time.
I've always loved to dress as a girl, as far back as the age of 5 or 6 or maybe earlier. I think my sister would have killed me back when we were young if she had known that I was sneaking into her room when she was out and trying on her clothes. She did have great clothes.
I don't exactly know why I started to do this, I just remember how wonderful it felt. I sometimes think that crossdressing actually chooses us, and we really don't have any choice in the matter. As a matter of fact, I have a 5 year old son, and guess what he likes to do ? You got it, and it's with absolutely no coaching from Dad. You see, it just happens to some people.
Do I wish I was a girl ? That's very hard to say. I'd love to experience it I suppose, but I'm not sure that's what drives me to dress. My life has been woven around being a boy and honestly I'm not that unhappy in my gender. The truth is, if I was born a girl, I'd probably be secretly wearing my brother's clothes and wishing I was a boy. The grass always seems greener on the other side and simple curiosity probably started all this when I was a child.
For those that have transitioned, you are what I consider some of the bravest people on this planet ! It's not easy to make a decision like that and follow through with it knowing the obstacles that await you, but you have to applaud anyone who takes control of their own destiny and happiness.
So, why do I crossdress ? There are probably a multitude of reasons, but simply put, there is something therapeutic for me about being able to feminize myself after being a male all day. I've heard many other crossdressers remark that they feel a great sense of relaxation from dressing, and you know, there really is something to this.
We all live with some level of stress right ? and we all find our own ways to deal with this part of our daily lives. Some people may workout in a gym, others perhaps read or find social activities to help them wind down. Crossdressing is my escape from reality to my nice little world of make-believe, or however you want to describe it. We as crossdressers just happen to have a hobby that is somewhat socially misunderstood.
I think femininity is a state of mind. Sure it's a biological thing in women, but the idea of femininity is more what I mean. If wearing a dress can help to ease the otherwise chaotic and aggressive "maleness" of my day, how can that be wrong ? I'm not trying to avoid my "responsibilities" as a man, a husband and a father, I'm just letting a part of me develop that is already within.
Maybe it's complicated, and many scholars have probably debated the reasons for crossdressing, ( ok, maybe it was a summer student on a government grant ) but my point is .. I think it's quite simple really. I dress up, I feel good. I don't dress up, I don't feel good. What could be simpler ?
"Son, you'd have to stand in the same place twice to make a shadow !" That was one of my father's favorite lines to me when I was growing up. I was a skinny kid and I'm still a skinny kid. I've never had much body hair and certainly wouldn't be entered in any body building competition. It's one of the things that I'm thankful for because it gives me the ability to make my female illusion somewhat believable to myself. In fact it's probably one of the driving forces behind why I've continued to do this for so many years.
I'll even take it a step further and admit that I purposely avoid doing things that would build muscle on my body. Dieting comes easy to me because the thrill of being able to pull on a petite little dress is so appealing to me that I really want to keep my weight down.
My teen years were actually quite pleasant. I grew my hair long because it was the 70's and I had amazingly accepting parents. They let me be a teenager and understood the needs that teens have to express themselves as individuals. I did well in school as a way of showing them that they could trust me and my self confidence grew because of that.
Crossdressing became more a part of my life then as well. I still hid it away but I could really pull off the illusion dressed in my sisters 70's clothes with my waist length straight brown hair. The girls adored my hair, the guys thought I was so cool and I felt like a million dollars because it made me popular.
"And the sign said long haired freaky people need not apply" ....sang the "5 Man Electrical Band" in their anthem and nothing seemed more true. I had to cut my hair because I wanted a job to make money. I started flipping burgers, stocking grocery store shelves and eventually made the money that would later put me through college.
I seemed to be able to save my money pretty well back then ( something I wish I could still do ) because while a lot of kids were out blowing their cash on whatever it was that kids bought, smoked or drank in the 70s, my favorite hobby was still free as long as my sister was around and I could dress in her clothes.
Of course, the day did finally happen when sis moved out with some guy who would later become my brother in law. How could she do that to the brother that cared so much for her .... clothes ?
Actually my sister and I had a bit of a power struggle in those days. She was the eldest of the 4 of us, but I was the eldest of the 3 younger boys. We've become very close over the years and if I was ever going to tell anyone about my crossdressing, I think my sister would be the one I would go to first.
I still dressed after she ran away with her clothes, but I had to start borrowing my mother's things. It wasn't quite the same ( my mom's sense of style was somewhat different then my sister's) but it still did the job.
Eventually I went to Art College, and for those three years I didn't dress much because I was really enjoying myself and found that being busy can also be a good distraction from the dressing urges.
Much of my time in college was spent drawing the human anatomy, and I developed a pretty good sense of the female body and it's proportions. This helped me later when I was making my own corset to achieve a more feminine silhouette.
I had girlfriends here and there but never really became successful at keeping them in those days. It seemed to me that these girls were really looking for the rugged man's man type of guy and although I was cute; maybe too cute, I was far from rugged looking. I also found that my dressing increased dramatically as girlfriends came into my life ... wow, a whole new wardrobe to secretly model in.
Later on I finally met a lady and had a child with her. I was there during the birth of my daughter and honestly started questioning whether being a girl is really all that appealing, I mean that really looks like it hurts. Unfortunately, this lady was a few sizes smaller then me and her clothes didn't fit me, so out on the street she went ( I'm kidding ). We just grew apart and the relationship probably wasn't meant to be anyway.
My daughter is one of the most wonderful things that has ever happened to me and the other is of course my son from the relationship I am currently enjoying.
So I have 2 kids, I'm with a wonderful woman and all is well .... except I still have this crossdressing secret that I just can't seem to figure out what to do with. Revealing myself just doesn't feel like something I want to do, but hiding it just gets harder year after year.
Then along came Mr. Internet and his brother Mr. Digital Camera and all of a sudden I have this need to plaster my secret identity all over computer screens around the world and yet I can't seem to find a way to tell my family; who would undoubtedly love me unconditionally. You really have to wonder about the insanity of it all.
So my website "Crossdressing with Sarah Myles" was born in 2001. I published my first picture on Vicki Rene's website with the fictitious name "Sarah" ( named after a girl I had a mad crush on in grade 8 ) and an email account to go with it. After the picture was uploaded, I ran and hid in my room for a week.
I eventually built up enough courage to check that email account and to my surprise, there were several messages from all over the world offering kind words of praise for Sarah and her apparent feminine allure. I honestly couldn't believe it.
Like an addiction, a compulsion or just an honest love for what I do, I began putting hours upon hours into the creation of this girl and her little cyber world. The website has grown into the overindulged pictorial that it is now, but I've had emails from every continent and from all types of people and I've even met a few other crossdressers in person all because of it.
I just can't believe how many beautiful people there are out there hiding in their own little closets. Some have shared their stories with me and now I can honestly say I will never feel isolated with this again. There is comfort knowing you are not alone.
I don't know where all this crossdressing will take me. I've been doing it now longer then I've known how to ride a bicycle and I don't really think I'm going to stop any time soon, so I suppose I'll just have to live with it.
I'll tell you though, it's a lot of work and it certainly has it's ups and downs, but other then that amazing feeling I got watching my 2 children be born right there in front of my eyes, I have yet to experience anything other then crossdressing that can put me in that same state of mind that I can only describe as "Pure adrenaline rolled up in total tranquility".
Thanks for taking the time to read this !
